Hi and welcome to my words of comeing out as gay

From an ealey age I new I was difrent in some way. I was always told not to do or say stuff as every one will think your gay. Then I did not no the meaning of the word gay. So I used to think it was somethink really terabel I remember at school some one saying he's gay meaning me. And still then not knowing what gay realy was. Only when thay sead some one else was gay so I used to wach him I did not see any think wrong with him but I did like him so then. I was thinking what is it to be gay I can not see any think wrong with some one else thay are calling gay. It's not some think you can go home and say hey mum some one say's am gay what is it what is gay am I gay mum well can you. Growing up was hard not haveing my dad around just my mum and my sister I was always on the out side even with the rest of the familly. I neve fited in even now I still feal I do not belong to them in away is this becose am gay well if it is it is not my fault. I did not chuse to be gay I gust was. I remember looking in the school libary for some think on gay but nothink to be found there how silly this is well was it so if thay dont teach the meaning of gay no one will be gay. Well I don't think so.

I was with frends I new were gay but I did not say any think about me being gay untill I new them for neally ten years. I was with my 1st boy frend neally from 8 years ago. We were to geath for just over a year. But we went are sepret ways divrent work and stuff this left me very lonly. Even nowing thay were gay I was still not sure about my self used to think i was gay from some think hapening to me when I was younger. So I was always trying to fight being gay but how can you fight your self. I only told my freds I am gay after I got back with my 1st and only love he was the most amasing person I no even some times we do not speak I still love him. So he was in work I was out with two frends I new for  was gay he used to make what I thort was a joke about his frend and him so when he was away geting drinks in I sead to my frend Ed hay did you no am gay. He just looked and whent silent and then sead no so I sead yes I am gay. He did not say any think untill I caled him on phone and sead are you comeing out with me and the boy friend he sead  your boy frend I sead yes we used to go out long time ago. I found him on the net took me neally 4 years to find him. But you have meat him be for when you came to my house. we used to be on the CB radio back then me and Ed and he came to my house to get his radio fixed and he was with me did not say much to each other but we all have meat up cupel of times. Trying to get all us back to go out a gain but never see so meany peopel I new it shuld be nice to see them all again .

Telling my mum was the funny bit. Lee and I were out in liverpool and he came back to mine with me and stayed the night. No we were not shaging all night so don't ask. And mum was asking who was that but she had meat him  more than a hundred times befor. But had not seen him in a long time. But she is dosy in the morning. In the morning no one is at there best. I was shoping in liverpool when I tolder. It was late that night and was on phon to mum asking her stuf. She asked who it was told her a frend and told her bit of what was going on. She asked is he gay. So me being the big mouth I am sead yes mum he is gay and I am gay as well. Then every one in the shop was looking at me but I thort what the hell am gay been am hiding to long and I was happy I had sead that and every one round me new I was gay. Told some frends most are ok with it well you find out who your freds are when you say some think like that.

Time is passing me by I don't now when to stop my hartis beeting fast no sound like a dead clock. My hart is in two and I only got one pice the ofer has been taken to some fare off plase. I have tryed to love again but with only hath a hart. Ive been thinking of trying to palying a diverent game.

I 1st found love at collage with a girl well she was more of a tom boy than any think As I sead I was trying to thight being gay. Think her being more of a boy than a girl was the atraction to her. We only had just over 18 month's to geather and she moved away taking some of me with her. She told me she needed time but deep down I was kinde of happy and sad. Her not being round the time she had way was geting longer and longer. Deep down I new she was never coming back . I only ever saw her one more time I will never for get we just looked at each other she was be the train station on her way home it was less than a minet but it seadem for ever. Still have love for her but I can never go back I would like to speak with her again and tell her every think but some think tells me she new and it was her way of leting me go. You have to love some one a lot to be abel to let them go and the love she had for me has stayed with me even till now. And this love I can sher with thows that are closesed to me.  On the 2/8/2005 I did sepaker her again it was so nice to see she is doing ok she has a cupel of kids now her daurter look so much like she did I new she wanted kids of her own and she looks so happy now what more can I say but I will never four get her. I tolder about me and she is ok with it all more understanding then I fort she would be. Hope to go and see her and give her a big hug. love you loads xxx

Some things about her remind me of some one else don't no why may be it is thay are both from the saime back ground god forbid them being related well stranger thinkg have hapend.

This is my live all the love I have had for just two peopel. Not meany peopel can truely say you love some one with all your hart. Even thow you are not with them all the time the time you are is so presues you never want it to end. This can be seen as posesif some time's but when you don't get to see some one very much it's just the way you are. But each time you see them you give them a bit more space.

My poery

Life is but a rose it blossoms till the end but it never really dyes. As some think is always left be hind. This is the love one can give it's there for always like the live of a new rose.

By alun aeg 28

By alun age 28